Let Me Walk Upon The Waters

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me." - Oceans, Lyrics by Hillsong United

 This past weekend I attended a Young Adult Retreat in High Springs, FL. I was part of a group of about 75, looking to see what what in store in a retreat titled "Trust in the Lord."

Many beautiful things happened during this weekend. And many memorable things too. I camped. ( I don't camp - so this is quite memorable. Thank goodness it ended up being more like glamping!) I got food poisoning. Yikes! I took the beautiful 2 ½ hour drive solo and got to enjoy the Central Florida roads in springtime. We participated in mass everyday and read the Liturgy of the Hours. My small group leader was a smart, hilarious, devout, sassy nun from Connecticut (Sisters of Life) & we heard testimonies from other young adults & CFRs. Confession was offered all day (12 hours) on Saturday. A healing Eucharistic Procession took place. Of it all, the most impactful part of the weekend was both the Eucharistic Procession (a story for another time) and our 30 minute session of Lectio Divina.

Grab a cup of coffee & come back. I'm going to re-rewrite my exact words of what I journaled from Lectio Divina. This will be a little bit longer of a post, so really, grab that cup of coffee. I'll wait.

...ready?

April 5, 2014. Lectio Divina
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Lectio: Matthew 14:22-33 Walking on Water

It's 4 am. Salty, cold air hitting the boat; whipping the face. Hands burning from pulling the ropes so hard. Sails blowing in the haphazard, wild gusts. The sea is charcoal, its jaws of white tipped waves biting at them.
When Jesus walked, though the waves hurled and the wind blew, they did not effect Him.
Peter yelled out "Command Me!"
Peter pulled up his robe. With both hands on the side of the unstable boat, he put one foot out onto the water - which felt even and sturdy. Then another foot. The disciples stood in silence. Peter walked. There was no noise. The waves could only be seen in his periphery.
Then Peter looked down.
He started to sink.

Medidatio

Peter asked Jesus to command to do something extraordinary. But Peter doubted Jesus - doubting that God could really perform a miracle using him, for him. Peter sank. Peter needed to be saved from his own request of the extraordinary.

Oratio
"Command Me"

Contempatio

Jesus, I ask you to commission me. Recently, I've asked that you give me a mission as the missionary spirit has been stirring.
But I see Peter's response and realize that I worry - once I get the extraordinary I doubt it - its truth, its awesomeness, its beauty, its grace.
I doubt the extraordinary. It's so easy to distrust the extraordinary. I feel like extreme faith is needed. And that's a faith I don't think I have.
Help me to believe and trust the extraordinary. I live my life ignoring it. What about You in the Monstrance? What about all the graces You & Mother Mary provide? I act like it's no big deal - no, I act like I say it exists but treat it like it really doesn't. I don't glorify You in these things. I do not boast  of You. I act egotistical. I act "too cool". Let me soak in them and be drunk in them. Let me cherish them and appreciate them. Let me yearn for them and recognize the gift that they are when I encounter them.

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Throughout the retreat the song "Oceans" followed me. And on the drive home. And I've heard it everyday on the radio since. I think God is calling me to hike up my robe, grab hold of the boat, and flip my feet over to the other side. Because "in oceans deep, my faith will stand."

xo,

#SheSharesTruth - Reflections on Jonah 3 & 4

"For You love all things that are and loathe nothing that you have made; for what You have hated, You would not have fashioned." - Wisdom 11:24

So many things are swirling around in my head right now. In the last half of Jonah, there are so many directions which I could have focused on.

1. Fasting. Sackcloth. Repentance. 40 Days. Chapter 3 is oozing with Lenten symbolism. I love it!!
2. Chapter 4 looks at Jonah's tantrum when the people Jonah feels are "beneath him" get God's mercy. 
3. "...and announce the message that I will tell you..." (Ch 3, vs 2). Will tell you. Hmm. God sends us on our missions sometimes withholding all the info. Does He do this to be mean? Does He do this because He has not planned out every step? No - rather, He does this because He asks us to continue to TRUST Him in every step AND NOT LET OUR PRIDE GET IN THE WAY. Oohhhh pride. I laughed when I read this verse. If I were asked to go tell/teach/preach something, I'd want to plan it all out, know everything I am going to say ahead of time. I'd want to be prepared & knowledgeable. I. I. I. <-- That's the point. When we're on God's mission, it's not about "I". A lot of LOLs here. 

This is a post for the #SheSharesTruth blog collaboration on the study of Jonah 3 & 4. Yes, we are sharing & reflecting on God's truth, but today, I'm going to focus on KristinaSharesTruth.

Back to point 3 - Pride. My truth is that I am a prideful person. But aren't we all on some level? (enter  semi-embarassing hand raise, light chuckle, and smirk) 

Even as I write this post, I've already written & deleted it several times, trying to come up with the perfect words so that I can come across intelligent, witty, and likable. But this isn't what I'm called to. 

I am called to the humble way. I am called to die to self. This means then, that I need to be honest & actually write about what is standing out most in all of chapters 3 and 4 - "... and announce the message that I will tell you...." That's it. Not the repentance of the people of Nineveh, not Jonah's toddler like fit about the sun on his forehead. 

So, I'll be focusing on pride in my personal prayer. Praying that I get out of God's way and be a vessel  and not the main attraction. And trust. Trust in His way, His guidance, and that He provides the words. 

xo, 

P.S. Speaking of toddler like tantrums & trust, I have another Praise God Timeline!!

• March 19th: I tell my co-worker passively "You know, I need to go on retreat. It's been almost 14 months." <-- there's that "I" again...
• March 22nd: I tell my husband passively "I really want to go on retreat."
• March 23rd: A retreat crosses my mind several times. But then I remind myself that I do not have time, I don't have money, and there aren't any being offered in my area anyways. Whoa is me. 
• March 27th 830am: I get a Facebook message that I am invited to a retreat about 2.5 hrs from my home, hosted by Friars (my favorite retreats are hosted by religious).
• March 27th 9am: Call the coordinator to see if any spots are left. Leave message on voice mail. ((sigh))
• March 27th 130pm: Get a call from the coordinator. She invites me to the retreat AND IS COMPLETELY PAID FOR BY SOMEONE ELSE! ((gasp))
• March 27th 2 pm: Get email with retreat application and see that the retreat is titled "Trust In God" with a focus on the Eucharist & Jesus' Sacred Heart.  <-- another set of LOLs. Isn't God hilarious?!
• And did I mention, the retreat is NEXT WEEKEND! April 4-6! MIND. BLOWN.

P.S.S. If you don't know, Margaret Mary Alacoque is associated with the devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus - my most beloved and favorite devotion! It focuses on His immense love & mercy. ((clap clap clap, happy dance)) I cannot contain my excitement! 

This post is a participation of the #SheSharesTruth collaboration where the participants from the Jonah study share what the Holy Spirit has been stirring up in our hearts.